Inspired by Loo and her perfect twitter posts <3
Inspired by Loo and her perfect twitter posts <3
Here’s something to chew on; it’s been my headcanon for a while now. Red Riding Hood is my fave Queen, even if we only get a few lines from her in the show. The 10th Kingdom is such a fun ‘verse to play in - it’s just so upside-down and twisted.
Genre: The Tenth Kingdom miniseries
Rating: 15+ Will contain physical/psychological abuse; sexual content; underage goings-on
Characters: Red Riding Hood III
Disclaimers: The quote is from Beauty and the Beast. The Ice Mountain Pack is mine.
Summary: As the royal delegation heads back from Prince Wendell’s tenth birthday party, a Wolf pack seizes the opportunity and makes away with the heir to the House of Red. Sequestered high in the Ice Mountains, the Princess is determined to outwit the ruthless pack that has kidnapped her, but - as usual - things get complicated.
There are no official documents of this event. As far as anyone in the Nine Kingdoms is aware, the time period in which Princess Vermillia remained hidden from the public eye resulted from a life-threatening bout of cold sickness, in which she remained convalescent within the confines of the royal house. The two years spanning this incident remain questionably blank, as if the scribe was without the pertinent details of the time between. The Queen Mother was only noted to address the situation in order to appease the court, verbatim, “…as for my sweet daughter, everything is being done to ensure that she recovers speedily and without undue pain. I encourage all to send her best wishes and a Happy Ever After.”
There is no mention of the return trip from the Good Prince Wendell’s tenth birthday celebration, during which is was said the Princess contracted the sickness, save this disconcerting observation: “…and as the riding party entered the courtyard, the Queen stepped forward to stand at the side of her daughter’s mount, and touched her arm. The young Princess, cloaked and drooping, did not respond to her mother’s ministration, and as the good Queen reached out to set her daughter’s cloak aside, she was set upon by the Weapons-master and a man-at-arms, drawing her away. The Princess’ mount was surrounded, and they withdrew into the confines of the stables, away from the eyes of the guardsmen. The little Princess remained seated, her face never lifting to look after her mother, as she was wont to do.”
No one is quite sure what this curious account could allude to; we must assume that there is more to the event than has been revealed to the public. After all, nothing is ever as it seems in the Nine Kingdoms.
Read on! (ff.n)
Control Mechanisms, a Sansan erotic art piece by the Salt Wife.
I love her curling toes!
because wishbone is the shit. FUCK cliff notes, wishbone was how elementary school meagan got a crash course in literary history.
in case you were wondering why wishbone is the best fucking tv show i will tell you why. this dude:
is the main character. that’s right he’s…
….WE NEED BELLE GIVES GOLD A PUPPY FICS LIKE YESTERDAY! GO PEOPLE GO
We have Cat!Gold now we need Dog!Gold!!!
Rumplestiltskin had asked for comfort, and he…
Happy Birthday, David Bowie! (January 8th, 1947)
Then vs. Now
they didn’t invite Rumple to their wedding?
let’s make a list of what Rumplestiltskin has done for them up to this point:
- made Charming’s twin a prince, saved Charming’s parents’ farm
- saved Charming’s mom’s farm again, made Charming a prince
- complimented Snow’s taste in sweet boats
- called Snow the ‘fairest in the land’
- commiserated with her about her broken heart (basically said ‘I know that feel bro’)
- thoughtfully made Snow White a forgetfulness potion
- provided crazy Snow with the means to kill Regina (bow and arrow)
- lectured Charming angrily about Charming causing Snow pain
- provided Charming with the means to stop Snow from killing Regina (map)
- complimented Charming on his warm cloak fashion sense
- condescended to sword fight with Charming because Charming seemed like he really wanted to have a sword fight and Rumple is agreeable like that
- talked about Belle to Charming
- entrusted Charming with a really important possession (the love potion)
- generously offered to share his campfire with Charming
- enchanted their engagement ring with a homing spell so they would stop fucking losing each other
- transformed Charming’s outfit
into Gaston’sso Charming could propose in style and not in grubbery swordfighting clothes
- basically shipped Snow/Charming more than anyone else ever has or ever will
- AND enchanted the Evil Queen so she literally couldn’t hurt them anymoreand still he doesn’t get an invitation
“enchanted their engagement ring with a homing spell so they would stop fucking losing each other”
Seriously, though, Rumple is basically the whole reason the Charmings’ happened at all. He’s practically done everything but shove Charming’s sword into Snow’s sheath. We know he’s manipulating them for his own means, but as far as they know, he’s just like their slightly creepy neighbor who totally ships them and helps them out (for a reasonable fee) whenever they need help (which is fucking always). And the whole Cinderella thing hadn’t happened yet, either, so it’s not like they’re pissed about that. And Snow was born a noble who was raised in a castle, she should know all about having to play nice with people you can’t stand for the sake of politics, or how it’s advisable to keep your shady frenemies close and not pissed off at you.
Exactly! And they should both be familiar enough with Rumple to know that if he wants to crash their wedding, he’s gonna crash their wedding, and he probablydefinitely wants to crash their wedding. So they should probably just invite him anyway. Sure they may have to put up with his Rumpleness all day, but better than than insult him AND have to put up with his Rumpleness. By not inviting him, they all but guaranteed he’s going to Rumple the shit out their day (and yes ‘to Rumple’ is now a verb).
For the record, I dislike Sansa Stark because I find her horribly un-relatable and perhaps it’s because George R.R. Martin isn’t, and never has been, a pre-teen girl. I rank her high on my list of terrible female protagonists, along with Bella Swan and…
All this and YES.
shaking head cos 50 shades is a twilight fanfic pfffffff-